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  It ended up being the thing that broke the tension.

  I fell into his broad chest and the two of us burst out laughing, followed by Balidor, who ruffled my damp hair and Jon, who couldn’t stop wiping his eyes.

  We sat together in a row of four seats, buckling in as the helicopter rose higher.

  I couldn’t help straining for a view of Beijing, but we were moving away from that now, away from the red, gold and black clouds that still covered most of the city. I’d been outside the blast radius, but I understood the need to get out of there as quickly as possible.

  The fallout cloud would reach the Wenyu soon.

  Swallowing, I tore my eyes off the ravaged landscape and the swiftly darkening sky. I turned my head, and found myself meeting those same three sets of eyes, with Wreg’s being the closest, followed by Jon and finally ‘Dori.

  Reaching out, I clasped Wreg’s muscular, tattooed arm. sending him a pulse of warmth.

  “Where is he, Wreg?” I said.

  Wreg’s smile faded, but only a little.

  He glanced at Jon before looking back at me.

  For a brief instant, I felt a tug of war in his light, as if he was tempted to answer me with sarcasm, or with humor of a less-biting variety. I felt the impulse there, the desire to take a jab at me, but something in my face or light must have made him think twice about it.

  Anyway, he knew exactly which of them I meant.

  “We’re bringing you to him now, princess,” he assured me, rubbing my shoulder. “We changed the rendezvous point, to get away from the radiation cloud. We’re headed back out to sea, at least for now. But they know we’re coming. Between their course change and ours, we’ll make it on the fuel we’ve got.”

  “How long?”

  “Three hours,” he said promptly. “Three and a half, tops.”

  Exhaling in a sigh, I nodded, leaning back in my seat.

  I tried not to think about what I would be going back to.

  Even just contemplating what our numbers might look like now made my head hurt, not to mention my heart. I didn’t in any way feel up to starting to process the emotional fallout from the op. I wasn’t even sure I could handle the names of all our dead at this point. My mind and light screamed in protest at the thought of feeling any of it, whether in terms of tallying losses or facing what I’d need to resolve when I faced Revik and Dalejem again.

  I didn’t ask about Lily. I knew Kali and Uye had her, along with Maygar.

  For now, that was enough.

  I closed my eyes, thinking I might doze for at least part of the way back, when Jon spoke up, jerking my eyes back to his.

  “Drink this,” he said, gruff.

  He was holding out a bottle of water.

  I hesitated, looking at it, watching condensed water run down the sides

  My thirst surged as I realized he was right, that I needed it, even if I was cold. Taking it from his fingers, I cracked the top and tilted my head back to drink. I drank for what felt like a few minutes without breathing.

  Finishing off the last of the bottle, I gasped a little, handing the empty back to him.

  “Thanks––” I began.

  He promptly handed me a second bottle, also full.

  “I’ll grab you a blanket,” he grunted. “You need water, Allie.”

  I took the bottle as he got up.

  I drank obediently, watching as he made his way to the back of the helicopter to find me a blanket. As he did, Wreg motioned towards my leg and the makeshift bandage still knotted around my thigh, a seer form of asking permission.

  Nodding to him as I took a few more swallows off the new water bottle, I smiled at ‘Dori when I saw him looking at me, tears in his eyes.

  “You’re okay, Esteemed Bridge?” he said.

  I smiled back. “Dented,” I said ruefully, motioning down at my body. “Definitely dented, but okay. I think I got off easy, all in all.”

  Balidor nodded, but the worry never left his eyes.

  Adjusting my back in the seat and moving the dress up my leg so Wreg could access the wound, I sighed, resigning myself to the fact I wouldn’t be sleeping.

  I took the blanket when Jon got back and wrapped it gratefully around my shoulders. I was feeling better already as I took another long drink of the water.

  “So?” I said, wincing a little as Wreg poked my bandaged leg. “Do you need me to explain? Or have you gotten some of that out of Revik?”

  “He told us most of it,” Wreg grunted.

  His eyes remained on my leg, his lips a faint frown as he examined the wound, now apparently using his light. Still frowning, he bent down once he’d finished scanning me, tugging a waterproof box from under the seat. Unzipping the top, he pulled out a bottle of what looked like hydrogen peroxide.

  I realized it was a field medi-kit. Fishing around inside the box a second time, he produced a small bag of cotton swabs and metal tweezers.

  “You probably don’t need those,” I told him. “I think it passed through, Wreg. The bullet.”

  He glanced up from the box. “I felt wood in the cut. Is that shrapnel?”

  Thinking, I shook my head. “Probably not. I rode a log here.”

  Jon let out a snort. There wasn’t much humor in it.

  Wreg got up, and I felt from his light he was going to grab the handheld from the cockpit, rather than rely only on his seer’s sight. The medical scanner would tell him what kind of damage the bullet had done, and list out anything else wrong with me. I hoped like hell the bruises I felt from being smashed between logs and floating debris were only that. I didn’t exactly have time right now to be laid up with internal injuries.

  Realizing the device would probably tell him something else, something I wasn’t really ready for them to know, I tensed, gripping the water bottle.

  I fought with whether to call him back.

  Then I realized it was too late.

  Biting my lip, I took a drink of water instead.

  “We already know,” Jon said.

  Jumping, I turned to find my adopted brother looking at me, a faint frown on his face.

  Recovering somewhat, I lowered the bottle.

  “Know?” I said. “You know what, little brother?”

  He ignored my joke about our ages, his hazel eyes studying mine. “We know you’re pregnant. Jem told us.” Pausing at my grimace, he made a seer’s shrug. “Well. He told Revik. The rest of us just happened to be there while they were shouting at each other.”

  Wincing for real that time, I took another long drink of the water, then recapped it, putting it down on he floor by the bulkhead.

  The silence deepened.

  “It’s true, then?” Jon prodded. “You’re pregnant, Al?”

  I turned, frowning at him. Seeing Balidor watching and listening for my answer from Jon’s other side, I felt my irritation deepen. I was about to try and answer when Wreg dumped his bulk back into the seat next to me, gripping the handheld.

  “Do you mind, princess?” he said, polite.

  “Knock yourself out.” I glanced past him, that time at Balidor. “I don’t suppose you have anything harder to drink than water on this thing, ‘Dori?”

  Jon scowled. “Al––”

  “Actually.” Balidor held up a hand to Jon in a peace gesture. “We do.”

  Jon turned his glare on him. “She’s pregnant, Balidor. She can’t drink.”

  Wreg flinched, but didn’t speak, or look up from where he fiddled with the handheld.

  Balidor gave Jon a warning look.

  “Alcohol isn’t a problem for female seers in this condition.” He sharpened his voice. “It’s fine, Jon. We process alcohol differently––and burn it off at a different rate.” Glancing at me, he made his voice polite. “We have a bottle in the back. Should I get it?”

  I grunted, clicking softly.

  I’d been joking mostly, but now that I thought about it, I waved Balidor on.

  “Yes. Please.” I scowled at Jon. “If
you’re going to force me to have this conversation, I think I’m going to need a drink.”

  Jon frowned, but I saw his eyes wince as he looked me over in the tattered, blood and river splattered dress. His eyes rested the longest on the gunshot wound, still covered by the blood-soaked cloth I’d tied around it to slow the bleeding.

  “We don’t have to talk about it now, Al––” Jon began, his voice short.

  “Too late, big brother,” I said, giving him a warning look. I looked at Balidor. “Go get it, ‘Dori. Maybe we all need a drink right now.”

  “Ain’t that the truth,” Wreg muttered, without looking up from my leg.

  Balidor unbuckled his seat belt and pushed his way towards the back of the helicopter. I glanced through the crack between seats, and saw him rifling through a bag on the back bench in the cabin. When I looked back at Jon, he was still frowning at me, his eyes holding a kind of angry disbelief, like he didn’t know me at all.

  Pressing my lips together, I fought not to be hurt by the look.

  Shrugging deliberately, I looked at Wreg instead, making my voice flat.

  “So, brother Wreg? What’s the verdict? Should Lily and Maygar be expecting a new baby brother or sister to play with?”

  Wreg had been running the handheld over my torso, but now he flushed, raising his dark eyes. Seeing the answer in his gaze, I nodded, biting my lip. When I looked at Jon, his eyes looked angry once more, and even more disbelieving.

  I kept my voice light with an effort.

  “Gaos, Jon. Fine. No more pregnancy jokes. I didn’t mean to offend your delicate sensibilities.”

  I watched Wreg, who was running the device over my chest now.

  “I guess it’s good we’re doing this now,” I said, giving Jon another annoyed look. “I might as well practice getting yelled at. Given that Jem couldn’t manage to keep his fucking mouth shut long enough for me to talk to my own goddamned husband about it first.”

  Jon winced visibly at that, but still didn’t speak.

  Wreg gave me a grim look, but unlike Jon, his anger didn’t seem aimed at me.

  All I felt off Wreg was irritation at Jem, and even that felt notably subdued compared to what I’d last felt on him when it came to the subject of me and Jem. He’d clearly relaxed to a degree, at least towards me.

  I couldn’t help thinking it was because he’d found out the whole thing was a military op.

  Knowing Wreg, that might be enough. For him, just knowing Revik and I hadn’t been unfaithful to one another because we’d wanted to, but as part of a ruse we’d perpetrated against Menlim to crack the network, likely changed his view on the whole thing.

  It probably didn’t hurt that the ruse worked.

  “Indeed it does not, princess,” Wreg murmured. Turning off the handheld, he tossed the device into the open medi-kit, exhaling. “Although I would still love to knock both of your heads together about twenty times for doing something so colossally stupid.”

  When I met his gaze, he gave me a faint smile.

  Seeing the warmth in it, I relaxed a little.

  “No broken bones,” he announced, lips twisting in a half-humorous frown. “No internal injuries of note. Just a bullet hole that broke no bones, and severed no arteries. That, and a lot of bruises, cuts, scrapes… little things that must be cleaned. Karma will have to find you some other day, princess.” His scowl deepened. “What you and that mak rik'ali husband of yours did was crazy, ilya. It was crazy, it was stupid… it was dangerous as hell. It easily could have gotten both of you killed. Don’t think you are forgiven so easily.”

  Combing his fingers through his dark hair, he sighed.

  “Truthfully, though,” he admitted. “I’m not sure anything less crazy would have brought that fucking network down. Those of us who worked under that vial of ridvak venom during the war get that. Even if we don’t like what you did.”

  I caught his indirect message to Jon, and knew how much it probably cost him to side with me over his mate. I wanted to hug him in that moment. Not for taking my side, but for letting his military mind view the whole thing for what it was.

  Wreg gave me a dark look. “Don’t get me in trouble, princess,” he muttered. “That will not help your karma, either.”

  I laughed at that. I couldn’t help it.

  Jon scowled––at both of us.

  Just then, Balidor returned, holding a bottle of what looked like rice wine. I watched him rip off the foil, then flip open the top. I took the open bottle when he passed it to me, signaling a seer’s thanks before taking a long drink.

  I gasped at the burn of the alcohol, closing my eyes.

  For a long moment, I just enjoyed that burn as it traveled down my throat, then into my stomach. I knew I couldn’t drink much, or I’d be hammered in minutes. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten––or slept, for that matter.

  Even so, I took another sip, savoring the taste on my tongue.

  Opening my eyes, I turned back towards my brother, handing the bottle to Wreg. I watched Jon look at me, that frown still on his lips. He looked a little hurt now, too, maybe partly at what Wreg had said.

  More than any of that, I felt the weight of my pregnancy hanging over all three of them.

  Looking around at their faces, I exhaled in frustration.

  “Hey,” I said. “Guys! Get a grip, okay? It’s not Jem’s.”

  Wreg flinched, nearly dropping the bottle where he’d been taking a drink. I turned to Jon, glancing briefly at Balidor, who was doing a better job of maintaining a poker face than the other two. I could feel the shock on all of their lights, though.

  I could also feel all three of them wondering who else I’d slept with.

  “It can’t be Jem’s,” I clarified. “Jem and I didn’t start sleeping together like that, with our light open, until relatively recently. It was the last part of the op, and meant to send Revik over the edge in a believable way. This pregnancy’s too far along for that. So it’s either Revik’s…” Swallowing, I clenched my jaw briefly. “…or it’s Dragon’s.”

  “Dragon’s.”

  Not Jon that time. Balidor.

  “Dragon’s, Esteemed Bridge? Is that possible?”

  I met his gaze. Seeing the shocked expression there, I nodded slowly.

  “It’s possible, yes,” I admitted. “Giving the timing, and what happened that day, I’d say it’s more than possible. It’s likely. Revik and I hadn’t done that recently, had sex like that, I mean. We were both pretty open that night on the roof, but not in the same way.”

  “You opened your light with Dragon?” Balidor said, his voice even more shocked. “Why, Allie?”

  I grunted, reaching over Wreg to grab the neck of the wine bottle from Jon. Sitting back, I winced when Wreg started unwrapping the blood-soaked cloth from around my leg, moving the fabric of my dress aside as he worked.

  I took another long drink of the rice wine, gasping.

  My eyes returned to Balidor’s.

  “I didn’t exactly have a choice, ‘Dori,” I said, looking past Wreg’s muscular shoulder. “If you’d like details, I could supply them. Suffice it to say, it wasn’t my idea.”

  I saw Jon and Balidor exchange a look.

  Both of them looked paler now.

  I felt Wreg react from even closer to me, even as he fought to focus on cleaning the gash in my thigh. He was using the peroxide now, and I sucked in a hiss as he worked his way deeper into the wound. His fingers and light were surprisingly gentle, but it didn’t help all that much.

  Forgetting my intention to be cautious, I took another long pull of the wine.

  Wreg nudged me then, and I handed the bottle back to him.

  He took an even longer drink than me and handed the bottle to Jon, who took a good-sized drink himself before passing it to Balidor.

  “Jem told Revik it was his?” I said, blunt.

  After a bare hesitation, Balidor lowered the bottle from his mouth. He nodded.

  “Yes
.”

  Before I could answer, Jon broke in, disbelief and shock still coloring his voice.

  “Does he not know? Jem?” he said. “He thinks it’s his, doesn’t he?”

  I bit my lip, then took another long swallow of the wine when Balidor handed it back.

  “We never actually talked about it,” I said, handing the bottle back to Wreg. “I suspected he knew. The pregnancy part, I mean. I’m starting to go blind. I’ve been forced to rely on his sight to a degree, like I did with Revik when I was pregnant with Lily.”

  Seeing Jon grimace, I shrugged.

  “I figured he knew it wasn’t his, for the same reasons I did. But maybe he’s never been around a pregnant seer before. Maybe he didn’t realize the timing was way off. Maybe all the light sharing over the past few weeks confused him.” I shrugged, biting my lip as I watched Balidor take a drink of the wine. “…Maybe he’s just mad at Revik.”

  Feeling a pulse of anger off Wreg, I ignored it.

  “As for me, I suppose I was waiting to talk about it until all of this was…” I made a vague wave with one hand. “…Over. You know. Resolved in some way.”

  Thinking about that, I felt that sick feeling return to my chest and gut, what might have been shame, but mixed with an anger I couldn’t explain, even to myself.

  I fought with how to ask, if I should ask it.

  I didn’t really want to.

  I did anyway, though.

  “How did Revik take it?” I said.

  There was a silence.

  Then Jon let out a snort, pain bleeding off his light.

  “How the fuck do you think he took it, Al?”

  My jaw hardened more. I nodded, tilting my head back for another drink of rice wine when Jon handed the bottle back to me. I gave it to Wreg as Balidor broke the silence.

  “Not well,” the Adhipan leader said, as if Jon hadn’t spoken. “It would be better if you let him know it isn’t Jem’s. Both of them should know, Alyson. As soon as possible.”

  I nodded, fighting a pain in my chest as I watched Wreg drink.

  He handed the bottle to Jon, and I noticed we’d already dusted more than half of it.

  “I know,” I said.

  There didn’t seem to be anything more to be said.